A reflection on life after three months on the road.
If I had to choose one verse to dwell on this week, it would be the reminder we got in church this past Sunday from James 4:8:
“Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded”
There’s a lot of situations in parenthood that have left me feeling lonely, such as frequent disobedience from my children, comparing my parenting with that of others, continual exhaustion, and the sometimes bleak reality that becoming a parent is a life-long commitment.
This is about the time I say all the cliché phrases like, “of course, I love my kids” and “parenthood is a blessing.” I truly believe all those things. But, I also believe becoming a mother isn’t just about finding love and happiness. It’s about continual sanctification as the Lord allows opportunities for growth daily. And by opportunities, I simply mean the choice to sin or not to sin.
Parenthood is a great picture of what this trip is doing in my life. Choosing a great big adventure like a six month road trip is a commitment to fun, sure. You’re seeing new sights and experiencing adventures most people won’t have in their whole lifetime. You’re also sitting in the car with toddlers for six straight hours. You’re not eating your favorite foods most days, and you’re certainly not maintaining a perfect self-care morning routine. You’re parenting along-side a fellow sinner and quite honestly, neither of you really knows what you’re doing.
Let’s get real candid. I yell sometimes. I cry. And I get frustrated with God. I have a great deal of anxiety about a great deal of things that exposes itself a great deal of the week. I’m just trying to get through each day without struggling through these sin issues, and most days I’m failing. I share all this because I know God is at work in my life and I need accountability to remember it is indeed good.
I’m also sharing this for those who follow me on social media. I try to show everyone how easy a frugal life can truly be. I want to push others toward more money-conscious choices, as well as draw them out of the constant consumerism surrounding them. I’m using social media to share how our frugal family saves money. I share inspiration toward financial freedom, and sometimes I fear you assume our life comes easy. But that’s not the case.
Becoming “somersavesyou” is a passion God laid on my heart just one year ago, but I’ve had to drastically adjust my life to begin my online business. No more leaving work at work because that work is also my life. As Travis and I clumsily navigate who does what and how to handle sharing jobs, we have plenty of arguments and disagreements. This whole social media thing is exciting as I’m teaching others what I so naturally grew up learning. The frugal life is for everyone. But on the flip side, my time spent learning about what’s trending on Instagram and how to reach accounts on TikTok exposes me to more comparison than I’d like to admit.
“”Why do I only feel called to just two kids?”
“Will God be mad if I choose not to homeschool?”
“Should we be making more money?”
“Why can’t our family thrive in a normal 9-5 schedule like everyone else?”
When I talk about parenthood leaving me feeling lonely, it’s a simple issue of who and what I’m choosing to draw near to. In times of questioning or doubt back home, I’d find the same few comforts – time alone, my own bed, television, food, friends. I’d draw near to validation from others that I’m doing a great job or I’m excelling in motherhood.
But even on my best day, I’m still a sinful woman, imperfectly caring for her family. On this road trip, in the middle of foreign states where I know little to no other humans, I’m forced to talk to God. I’m beginning to seek more of what God expects of me and less of what the world would suggest for me. Experiencing how fellow believers glorify God on the other side of the country is one of my favorite parts of the trip. We’re worshipping alongside hundreds of other believers at new churches each Sunday and reconnecting with old friends. We’ve met more homeless individuals than we ever would have in Green Bay and it’s been transformational in our attempts to share the gospel with our kids. Finding contentment in a tiny hotel room with simple sandwiches for dinner teaches us to be thankful, even when it’s not the easiest situation.
So, I end my day once again with a prayer.
“Lord, teach me the kind of nearness to you that my Savior shared with His Father. I pray for goodness and mercy over this crazy road trip, difficult parenting, and any attempts we may have to share the gospel with others. Thank you for today. Thank you for the hard. Thank you for the growth.”
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